2009 is ending - Let's make plan for 2010

2009 almost comes to the end. I still can’t believe that time is flying that fast. Want it or not, 2010 is just two days ahead. Going back to the yearly plan I set on the January 1st 2009 and reflect how well my plan works, it scares me. I remember; I was laying on the floor, drawing my 2009 planning sheet together with my sibling and parents, this moment was like yesterday. Today is December 30th 2009 already. Why am I talking about this?

This is to scare you too. Time is flying really fast each day. Each minute gone and never ever return; therefore, making plan is truly important. You can’t just live your life according to anything. You need to be time master, and lead your life throughout time that passing by to achieve what you set. “Plan our future today” was the topic of the 2nd youth camp I organized in 2008.

If you are working in a project, you of course know what the important elements of a successful project are. I started working in 2004. That was when I know how the project was coordinated. Once, I attended a project planning meeting to apply for funding. I was trained to make vision, mission, activities planning, expected result and so on. One day I sat by myself thinking why don’t I apply what I have learned in the project planning in my life too. Vision, mission, activity planning, expected result are what a project coordinator prepare to get funding from donor. What about life? Then, I start making those stuffs in my life too. I plan my life on daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly base. Learning from my manager, I draw my life in a one page mind map.

All in all, I do encourage you to spend sometime making plan for the upcoming 2010. Having a clear plan is good, but don’t forget to follow up your plan and reflect on it.

If you have already done your plan, I do really appreciate if you could share how did you make it? Each person has different ways of making life plan, it would be good to learn from each other.

Happy New Year 2010 !

Love Languages

Offend in my radio program “Lovely Night”, lots of callers asked how do you know if he/she loves me or not? Well, the easiest way to know that is of course “just ask her/him”. However, young people especially women don’t dare to be so direct. Most of the time, my female friend would say “How can I go straight to ask him if he loves me? It would be so embarrassing”. Another male friend of mine experienced a time when he didn’t love her, but he has to say “Yes” because he doesn’t want to embarrass that girl who was directly asked him. He added that I don’t love her but she isn’t bad at all. Then he keeps the relationship moving ahead and hoping that he will love her one day. After a few months, he decided to tell her that he doesn’t love her and that he couldn’t be in this relationship anymore. They broke up. What do you think about that?

Back to a few years ago, I attended a discussion on “Love Languages”. They explained how people express their love to other.

1- Wording person: this is the direct one. Some types of people like to be straight forward. She/he uses sweet words to express their feeling toward their partner.

2- Gift person: this kind of people use gift as a tool of expression their love. Wherever they go, they will never forget to bring something back for the one they love. She/he used observation to buy her/his partner a gift. For example, by accident while walking together in a bookstore, she/he hears her/his partner said that “This book is so beautiful”. The next day, she/he will come back to the store and get that book for her/him.

3- Service provider: this type of person value serving. They like to serve their partner. For example, he/she visit someone’s home together with other friends. There is a beautiful lamp in the corner, and his/her partner say “this lamp is so beautiful. I have one at home but it doesn’t work”. So he/she would response “well would you like me to check it out for you, I may be able to fix it”. This type of person will always be there for him/her to make sure that his/her life is comfortable.

4- Touch person: These types of person like to express their feeling by being close to her/his partner. They like to hold hand while walking, they like to hug or kiss, and like to be around closely. In a country where tradition is concern, there are not many Touch persons.

5- Quality of time: for some people, spending time together is important. These kinds of people like to express their love by being around all the time. They may not able to help a lot, but they make sure that you are not alone and that you can also share with them your sadness. They like to share whatever moment with you no matter when you are happy or sad. And they like to have you with them.

There is a website that you can read it for more detail at www.fivelovelanguages.com , I never check it before, but it should be interesting, I guess.

Youth Camp in Pailin

Every early of the year, I make activity plan. Among those plans in 2009 was to organize a youth camp on "Youth and Social Engagement".

During water festival holiday, I managed to do it as plan.

I, together with my volunteers, brought 50 young people; who were carefully selected by face to face interviewing, to held a youth camp on this issue. This camp has becoming my biggest success of the year. I am so glad I have organized it and I am so thankful to other volunteers who have worked very hard to make it an unforgettable event.

At the camp, we shared, learned, danced, talked, sang, and cried together. We learned about each other's experiences of how we manage our time to serve our society. We shared our experiences on how to make ourselves successful. We created a new dancing band. We sang lots of song. And we cried a lot. You may wonder why do we cried at a youth camp like this ? it suppose to be a happy time. Well, our tears were a happy tear.

At the youth camp, we provided enough time and space for each participant to share their hard time history, their sadness, their family stories, and more. All these were organized because I know that behind all these happy faces, each one of us has a story. Each of us may need hug, need a word "I love you", we all need to cry at some point. After all the sharing, I realize how important is it to talk about our sadness. One of the participants said : "All I want in this is life is to have a Mum and Dad to call". His parents divorced when he was three years old. His dad passed away soon after that, and his mum had another husband and left him with his gradma. One other girl shared another long story and asked: "why my brother could forgive his friend, but not me?". Another poor girl said: "my mum doesn't love me anymore". we shared more stories in a room with light off and candle on. Listen to other's stories and saw how difficult their family relations are, one participants cried and said: "I just know today, how much my parents have devoted for me. I love them and I will be best for them." There are another 100 pages of their stories if I keep writing. After a few hours of honest sharing, we gave each other warm hug and said to each other "I love you".

Sharing is not a discussion. At my youth camp, participants were encouraged to share but not discuss. Everyone has a story, all I want is to let it out. To cry the most we want, to express our pain. So if you do have pain, let is out !

Expectation and Jealousy

Everyone has expectation on whatever they are doing, whoever they are in relation with, wherever they go, and so on. Student expects high score from their exam, manager expects her staff to perform the best, couple expects faithfulness from each other, and more. Expectation inspires each individual to try harder to get what they expect. If they don’t have expectation; what for?

However, is having high expectation a mistake?

Students who expect A+ from their exam, if they get only A- which is already very good compare to others, they will be very upset and feeling very down. Some people said that having this high expectation make you feel very negative about yourself. Other point of view claims that having high expectation is a guarantee of high quality. This question “is having high expectation a mistake?” remained a flexible answer. Expectation motivates people to put a lot of effort. That’s why when their effort doesn’t pay off, they are upset. However, isn’t better than not putting any effort to avoid that you don’t get upset afterward. At least, people who have high expectation give it a try.

Where jealousy does comes from? Does it also created by expectation?

First of all, there is no clear definition of this word “jealousies” or maybe there is but I don’t know. So far I am not a jealous person (I assume). Only when I have very high expectation on boyfriend, I realize that my expectation created jealousy. Logically, the first person who comes shall be the first person to be served, regardless of who you are. If you date a person before I do, you will have him because I date him later than you; however, because I am a girlfriend I expected my boyfriend to be there for me even if I date him later or at least he should had in his mind that his girlfriend needs him. Before he accepts other’s date, I expect him to ask himself “do my girlfriend needs me at this time?” Well, this sounds of course very selfish and unreasonable. Base on this experience, I concluded that my expectation create jealousy. And jealousy is selfish and unreasonable.

Quick advertisement

This is a quick advertisement of my talk show program "LOVELY NIGHT" at Sarika FM 106.5 from Monday to Friday, 09pm - 10pm.

Listen to other people's stories, call in to share your opinion, support them emotionally, and most importantly, learn from them to prepare your future.

Questions for reflection

There are many times that we ask people questions and we expect to get answers. We, human being, like to find out how good or bad others are? Sadly, there are not many times we ask ourselves. Let's take sometime to answer these questions. Enjoy !

1- What am I grateful for today?
2- Is there anything/anybody I have taken for grated in my life?
3- Are there any people I should thank, today?
4- In what way do I think my country need to change?
5- What kind of change do I need for myself, so that I can be part of solution, not problem?
6- What are the main motivations/force of my life?
7- How can I use my energies/talent/skills for others, for my country, and for the world?
8- What promises have I made in the past? How well have I keep them?
9- Have I ever let other down, in what way?
10- Is there any relationship I need to re-build? How? When ?

knowing what you shouldn't know

Have you experience knowing the unconvinced thing that bother you? Sometime wouldn't it be better to not knowing it? I have no idea now which one is better. Please share me some ideas.

You know people are curious, we want to know everything especially about ourselves and people around us. But once we find out something that make us happen, we wish we haven't known it. :( However, our brain is not a computer memory stick that can be deleted whenever we want. So what can I do?

Lessons learn from Taiwan

First of all, let me say a very big thank you to the APYC organizing committee and IofC international for giving the greatest opportunity to a group of ten Cambodian youth to attend this 15th Asia Pacific Youth Conference which is more than just a conference. This is my third time attending APYC. The first one was in Cambodia in 2004; the second one was in the Philippine in 2007. Each APYC has given me a new chapter of a better and freer life. Being chosen to lead other nine Cambodian youth, I was honored to make this trip an experience of a life time. On July the 31st, I departed from Phnom Penh International Airport to Taiwan with lots of expectations and excitement, but also hesitation. I was not sure how well I would be able to lead the team.

Even before the official opening started, friendship already started to build with participants from different countries; some were old friends. While playing games and getting to know each other with lots of smile, I was also thinking that this was how the world should be. “There is no stranger in the world, only friends we haven’t met”

Each day, the session started with a quiet time and sharing that gave me a really good time connecting to my inner voice. Several questions raised up which reminded me that I should have thought about them more often for a better relationship with people around me including family, friends, teams, co-workers and my romantic relationship. Honest discussions within my family group were the greatest foundation of relationship building. I was inspired by so many people just by listening to their honest life story sharing. While focusing so much on my pain that others gave me, I forgot to care about my contribution to those conflicts. I got to realize that “I too was wrong” and I should apologize to those who got hurt by me. In one of my quiet time, my inner voice told me that I too was wrong in breaking up with my ex-boyfriend. At night I wrote him a letter of apology (via e-mail) to ask for his forgiveness.

Listening to other people’s sharing, I have learned that lots of relationship can be fixed if we are willing to change and have the courage to take action. The power of oneself is so strong that it can change the world. “As I am, so is my nation.” I was inspired by the I CARE campaign which was presented by IofC Korea to create “Phnom Penh, I CARE” project in Cambodia. I believe in the four steps of change; (1) Change myself, (2) Engage others, (3) Create answers, and (4) Give hope to humanity. Living in a developing country like Cambodia, many young people lose hope and give up; therefore, actions have to be taken. If not me, who? However, while caring for others and my country, I know that I also have to care for myself. I wrote in the decision making card, “Myself, I Care.” One a month I will take a half day off alone on Saturday morning and this decision will be implemented from August to December this year.
There were many songs that inspire all of us. One of the song was about how war started and the answer “fighting for who is right”. Cambodian and Thai have been fighting for who is right for many decades. We claim that our history is right and therefore their history is wrong. What did we get from that kind of argument, peace or war? People have different perspective, but this should be our search “not for who is right, but what is right” IofC Cambodia has no answer of who is right, but we know that what is right to do is to have a real dialog between the two team. We believe that people will never understand each other if they don’t take time to share what they think. The theme of this APYC is Challenge, Choice, and Change. There are many challenges we are facing to make this exchange program possible such as: history, funding, politic, social perspective, and more but we don’t choose to give up. Gandhi said that “when we are fighting for a good course, people will pop up and support us” Our choice will be: “by the end of this year, the 1st Cambodia-Tai Exchange Program will be held in Cambodia.” We know that this is the right thing to do, and the change we are creating is positive.

Every human being has their own history. Some parts of their histories were enjoyable while some were painful. I too had a painful history but I have been pretending to be strong and hiding my weakness for four years. The last day of APYC, I finally opened it up and to be weak as I should. However, my tears were a new start of being a real and strong me. I was so proud of myself. Others who had painful history were of course not proud of it, but the most important thing is who we really are after those mistakes. All those painful experiences were the greatest lesson which we can never learn from any university.

Being a leader is what my life is for. I love leading people and I thought I was good and strong enough to handle everything on my own. This APYC allow me to look at myself and realize that a step back is needed. There have to be places where people should enjoy my leadership, and there have to be places where I should enjoy other’s leadership. Even if I thought I was a good leader, I realized that I was not a good follower yet. The engine of my soul becomes weaker and if I don’t fix it, it will break.

I was overwhelmed by the warmest care from the organizing committee. I know saying “thanks you” alone is not enough. Many thanks for the financial support from IofC Austria, Taiwan, Julie, and friends of ICA who made our trip possible. From a deepest of my heart, I ensure you that I am and will be using the best of what I have learned from APYC for the benefit of Cambodia and the world.

Phnom Penh, 12th August, 2009

From one to one hundred

This is the 4th week of June. It is time to print my "Respect Traffic Law" T-shirt. This is not to show off but a lesson learn. Last month I was thinking of writing on the back of my T-shirt "Respect traffic law for our security and dignity" but than a thought came out of my brain asking why don't I engage other instead of doing it alone. So I started to do fund raising. By now (one month later), from the dream of wearing this t-shirt alone, another 99 more people will join me. However, I am a bit ambitious. To make it even more, I put one/fifth of my salary this month to print extra 50 T-shirt.

I am 22 years old, I am just a student, I am not someone famous, and so on, but I was doing the right thing. I believe in Gandhi philosophy "when you are fighting for a good cause, people seem to pop up and support us" Here are the evident:
- My mother who is a an uneducated person, living in Kampong Cham, a business women who never like to waste money. But she did contribute some money.
- Young people/students who don't have job or earn any income, and never know me at all, they contributed small amount of money too. Not just themselves, they talked about it with friends, and their friends made contribution too.
- Someone (sorry I forgot his name) living in Ratanakiri province got this information from someone. He called me to ask for further information, than he raise money within his work place and send the money to me. Can you believe this?
- My boss contributed two small amount of money, one for him, and one for his daughter who is about 14 years old. My other colleagues contributed some money not just for themselves but also for their wife and girlfriend.

You see, people do care of making small changes. And you know who didn't care? Our ministries ! I send the announcement out to most of ministries including the city hall. Non of them even send a reply. Well, it is their problem, not my problem.

I am so happy now with my achievement. Thanks to all who have made contribution to make this possible. I do really really appreciate your commitment and putting trust on me. I'm sure what we have done is contributing to our society good.

How to be good to myself?

Being selfish is something good people trying to avoid, isn't it? I have been an un-selfish person for ages. I put lots of effort to help family, friend, boyfriend, and other young Cambodian. It is time now that I lose a lot of energy!!!!! I'm awear that I'm starting to be so weak. When I try so hard to please and care for others, my heart keep telling me "Nana, you haven't care of me enough", therefore, I told my heart back "ok ok, I will put more care for you" while my brain said "But Nana, how can you be selfish?" if you don't answer his phone, you are hurting him.

A sentence said "Put yourself first, you can't be anything for others unless you care for yourself" Nice sentence but how to put it to practice ?

Making a different in Phnom Penh

Most of us including myself keep complaining about traffic situation in Phnom Penh nowadays. How many hours do we have to spend in traffic jam each day? Isn’t it a waste of time? Being stuck in the traffic jam wasted our time, plus affected our feeling, isn't it?

So what can we do instead of keep complaining and being angry?

Please find in attachment file for the announcement of fund raising for printing T-shirt (campaign), Please make best used of your few dollars/riel to make a small different in Phnom Penh. We all wanted to tell people to respect traffic light, this T-shirt will help to tell them. This campaign is NOT a project of any organization, association, or government agency; it is truly a project initiated by young people of Cambodia who care to make a simple practical step toward better Cambodia . The T-shirt will be done by the end of June 2009.

Those who make contribution will get one (or more) T-shirt back! Good deal?

If you wish to make contribution, you can contact me at anytime (7 days a week, 24 hours a day). Please include your full name, telephone number or e-mail and most importantly the amount of money you wish to contribute and how the money can be delivered. Please note that any amount (1$ or 1,000 reil) is counted.

A better Phnom Penh start with me and you !

The Heart or The Brain?

Have you ever experienced when your heart and your brain are fighting each other? What will you do if for example, your heart like to do something but your brain said to you No you can't do this? will you follow what your heart want or follow what your brain said?

Give me some advice, please!

Difficult decision

If you have only one choice and have to choose between Hurting yourself and Hurting other, which one would you choose?

In life, sometime we do need to make harmful decision. In theory, we all try to choose the win-win solution, however, in practice sometime we can't always be win-win, someone need to lost. isn't it?

Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul

I read a book last night "Chicken Soup for the teenage soul". Here are some interesting quotes:

"Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"
Isn't it the oppisite from Khmer culture??

"Treat yourself as a whole person, not half a couple"
Many young Khmer women think that they lose their half when they broke up. Why can't they treat themselves as a whole person by themselves??? My boyfriend is an extra part of my life, but without him, I am still a whole Nana. I might lose the extra part of my life, but not half of my life.

"You never lose by loving, you always lose by holding back"
If you feel loving someone, let him or her know. Trust their answer no matter Yes or No, rather than he or she didn't know at all.

What do you think?

Thanks to a friend of mind, Pahnarath for giving me the book. I have learn alot from it.

Nana

Democracy is dying?

Subscribe Free
Add to my Page

Knowing me better

Thanks for visiting my blog. This is the first time to have my own blog, it is kind of excited. For those who haven't know me yet. Beside my full name, some people called me Nana. I'm 23 years old this year which is kind of scary, I have just realize that time run so fast. I'm a first daughter in my family. I have other two sisters and one youngest brother who are living with me in Phnom Penh. My mum is a clothes seller and my dad is a human right activist. I was born is a very poor family in Kampong Cham province, Cambodia. Having born in a poor family, my parents have struggle a lot for life, yet they have never give up my education. I'm so grateful for that.

I got my first job in the age of 14 years old as a part time volunteer, than at the age of 15, I have earned my first salary of USD 30 for translating during the election. My first salary was unforgettable. Just by having good English and strong commitment, I got selected to a youth exchange program to Sweden for a few month when I was 16. At that time, I considered my victory as it has been a real good luck and I have never imagine that I would be able to travel abroad again. After returning back from Sweden, I went back to my high school and continue my volunteerism with Khmer Youth Association. I finish my high school in 2003 when I was 17. Right after high school, the decision was clear that I can't continue my study in Phnom Penh. So I never consider of coming to Phnom Penh for university. Than, I became an English teacher at a school with the salary of 60,000 Real which equal to USD 15. Being a volunteer at KYA, offered me a lots of chances to attend workshops, meetings, trainings, and other youth activities. At the same time, I was somehow playing the role of my father's personal assistant and driver. By doing that, I learn how to write report, how to organize events, and how to handle pressure. Five months later, I applied for a job at KYA head office in Phnom Penh. I came twice for interviewing, than got accepted. Knowing that I got accepted for the work, my parents allow me to move to Phnom Penh in 2004.

2004 has been a new start of a new life. I live in my own apartment alone for about a year. Than, allowed some friends to live together. Everything I have today started in 2004. As a project assistant at the Peace Building project at KYA head office in Phnom Penh, I received more capacity building and got to know many people and network. I than started to be involve with Citizen Action Net for Social Development and Initiative of Change in 2004. Than, Friedrich Naumann Foundation in 2005 and Global Peace Initiative of Women in 2007. Knowing these organization, I got invited to different programs in Thailand, Vietnam, Burma, Malaysia, Philippine, India, and Germany. By now, the dream of traveling is not a problem anymore. I moved from KYA to work for FNF in 2007 after returning back from Germany.

I am now a Program Assistant/Accountant at FNF, a BoD president of KYA, a Core Team member of Citizen Action Net for Social Development, a Core team member and president candidate of Initiative of Change Association, and a Team leader of Cambodian Youth for Leadership.

There are really a lot more to write about life. Let me stop here, I'm open for any comments or questions. I've been always very interested in life story of other people.

For whatever reasons, don't give up. If you can't handle life alone, I wish I am there with you to support at least to be a good listener.

With Love
Sovathana Neang