Back to a few years ago, I attended a discussion on “Love Languages”. They explained how people express their love to other.
1- Wording person: this is the direct one. Some types of people like to be straight forward. She/he uses sweet words to express their feeling toward their partner.
2- Gift person: this kind of people use gift as a tool of expression their love. Wherever they go, they will never forget to bring something back for the one they love. She/he used observation to buy her/his partner a gift. For example, by accident while walking together in a bookstore, she/he hears her/his partner said that “This book is so beautiful”. The next day, she/he will come back to the store and get that book for her/him.
3- Service provider: this type of person value serving. They like to serve their partner. For example, he/she visit someone’s home together with other friends. There is a beautiful lamp in the corner, and his/her partner say “this lamp is so beautiful. I have one at home but it doesn’t work”. So he/she would response “well would you like me to check it out for you, I may be able to fix it”. This type of person will always be there for him/her to make sure that his/her life is comfortable.
4- Touch person: These types of person like to express their feeling by being close to her/his partner. They like to hold hand while walking, they like to hug or kiss, and like to be around closely. In a country where tradition is concern, there are not many Touch persons.
5- Quality of time: for some people, spending time together is important. These kinds of people like to express their love by being around all the time. They may not able to help a lot, but they make sure that you are not alone and that you can also share with them your sadness. They like to share whatever moment with you no matter when you are happy or sad. And they like to have you with them.
There is a website that you can read it for more detail at www.fivelovelanguages.com , I never check it before, but it should be interesting, I guess.
This is a fun and difficult subject to talk about. I don't know if there's a clear answer to any of the points that you made. But here are my non-expert opinions:
ReplyDeleteBeing direct is not easy, nor it is tactful. But most importantly, it's not fun and the answer that you get might not be the real answer since you are basically cornering the other person to tell you something that he might not want to tell you at that moment in time. Why rushing to get an answer? If he really loves you, sooner or later he will let you know one way or another. But if you think that he is too shy to tell you, and that you have feeling for him, then you should let him know how you feel. Either way, expect the truth and don't be afraid of it. It's probably easier said than done, but ...
The problem with point #2, #3 and #5 is that they can also apply to platonic friendships. I'm laughing out loud with #4. I would say that #4 happens after the fact. I don't think that you want to hug and kiss the other person unless both of you know that you at least like each other, and that regardless of the country you live in :-)
I would say that there are some less fuzzy signs indicating that a guy is interested in being more than a friend with you. For example, he calls you frequently and asks you about something that he already knows. He would cancel plans he already has so that he can be with you. He would genuinely smile at you while talking to you even though there is no good reason to do so. He shows signs of unhappiness when he sees you talking flirtatiously to another guy...etc. Do you recognize any of them? :-)
By the way, be ware that the content from the web site that you mentioned are for catholics, e.g. a lot of excerpts from the bible, thus it might not be suitable for people who follow other religions.
Later.
I've discussed these points with friends. Most of them agree that it is possible that it has nothing to do with love. Apparently you can love someone without touching. I disagree. I think that intimacy is an integral part of love. Love should chronologically include passion, intimacy and commitment. Otherwise, it's like making deep fried banana without banana. Not sure it's a fair comparison, but you got the idea.
ReplyDeleteLove someone with Touching ? i don't know, but that is not me. I hug my males and females friends all the time. I don't have to be a foreigner to hug my friends. If we love them (not just as couple), why do we scare of hugging them? making them and us feel our love warmly. Oh, when i say love language, I don't refer to Couple only. ok?
ReplyDeleteHey hey,I need to get back to my meeting now? write more later. See ya.
I think it's the opposite. You don't have to love someone to touch her/him. LOL.
ReplyDeleteIt's not that we are scared, but hugging and kissing (on the cheek) are culture-specific. I have not seen my cambodian friends who were brought up in Cambodia kiss or hug the opposite sex. Even the ones who live abroad still keep this mentality.
Ahh.... it's my fault. I'm guessing what you are trying to say. On the other hand, you should have been more specific. Generally, if you talk about love, you refer to the romantic love. The other kinds of love, e.g. friendship love is simply referred to as friendship.
I was so sure that you refer to the boyfriend/girlfriend kinda love :-) The reason is that you don't tell your friends you love them, but you like them. Right?
Friendship is a nice term to use here. However, don't friendship need Love too? you can't be good friend without love. I love my boyfriend and I love my friends too. Yes, in different way, but still "love".
ReplyDeleteI grown up and educated here in Cambodia. I do not have western kind of brain. But I do hug my males friends (opposite sex). Not just one male friends and not all but some of my close male friends.Well, not kiss. That is a bit too far, not for me but my friends.
Yes, it is still love. You can love an object, an animal, an idea or a human being. I totally agree with you and let's just say that there are different kinds of love.
ReplyDeleteBut the question "how do you know if he/she loves me or not?" strongly suggests the boyfriend/girlfriend kinda love. You don't ask your friends this question for the simple reason that a friend is someone that you like by definition.
Like I said, I have not seen any of my friends in Cambodia hugging the opposite sex, even less kissing. You seem to suggest that you are doing that (hugging) regularly. Is that a widespread behavior? It does not seem to conform the cambodian tradition, not to say that I like the tradition (there's quite a bit of traditions that I don't like, but that's another subject)
So you don't mind kissing your friends while they do mind. Hehehe. You seem to adopt some elements of the western culture more than your friends do. That's perfectly normal.
Nah... I don't know what do reply. Let me try. I do of course have to check if my friend do mind me if i am being too close. Since i am a woman, another point is to make sure that my hug is a friendship hug. I don't hug someone who may lead to confusion.
ReplyDeleteHow can you know if someone love you? haha..this is a regular question, my listener keep asking everyday. Well, let just skip this discussion for a while. I discussed about this topic 5 days aweek at my show and i am being a bit tired of it. Just to keep in mind, that i am different from other women. I am not so western, but not so tradition. I do believe in my principle, honestly, un-selfishness, purity and love.
Nana
PS: you still own me your story. Come on, i am waiting.
It's not that I don't want to, but it's quite hard to tell a story on a blog. But since you insist, here is the story of my life in 2 paragraphs.
ReplyDeleteI had a wonderful early childhood. I was happy at school as I was happy at home. I had a lot of friends and relatives. I was the best time of my life. Then, because of circumstances that were out of our control, we became very poor. I was so poor that the only thing that I had in possession was a pair of short and a t-shirt. Suddenly I had no friends, nor relatives. I was living day by day. Some days I had a bit of food, others I didn't at all. During my childhood I didn't go to school. By the time I was a teenager, I had literally nothing, no relatives, no friends, no education, thus no skills whatsoever.
Then, on a streak of good luck, our family situation started to get better. My mother insisted that I go to school. I had no choice but to try it out. It was quite nerve-wracking at the beginning, to a point where dropping out was a serious option. How could you go to school when you are already 14 years old and that you have missed school for the last 5 years? Well, I had a passion and I wanted to follow it. The only reasonable way to make it happened was to go to school. I had to overcome each subject one by one. It was painful at the beginning, relatively speaking, since it's really nothing compared to not having food on the table. Then it started to get interesting. With a lot of luck, a bit of determination, good advices from one teacher and especially the tenacity of my mother, here I am, living the dream life I thought I will never have.
I've lost my child and teenage hoods, but I'm having a relatively wonderful adulthood. I am now comfortable materialistically (maybe not as comfortable as you are :-). But most importantly, I've learned a lot of life lessons along the way and am still learning it everyday...
It's a digression from the "love me or love me not" subject, but I hope you enjoy reading it ...
oh this is too short. I need to read more.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the sharing your story. If I am a good girl, you are a much better one. If I have worked so hard, you must have worked harder. If I have struggled for life, you must have struggled more. I really appreciate your life story, even if it was just two paragraph. This kind of story needed to be shared. Other young people have to learn from it. Would you mind to allow me to post it on my blog ?
Hmm... you can post it, but you should make it anonymous. To be honest, I don't like the internet that much. It's cool that we can share stuffs, but I've also seen people taken advantage of others.
ReplyDeleteLater...