7 Minutes Drive of FEAR

What is Freedom? Typical question which students and scholar in the field of social science would ask. I have attended a two weeks seminar at International Academy for Leadership in Germany in May last year. After that two weeks seminar plus the 5 years work with a foundation which works on freedom, the concept of Freedom was quiet clear to me; yet, last night was the real life meaning of Freedom I found.

At my show last night, a caller asked about the field of agriculture which he wish to study as a degree after he finish high school soon; however, he has been told that in 2015 ASEAN will be integrated which mean the competition for job market will be higher too. He heard from other people that Cambodian student won’t be able to compete with the neighboring countries which have exported more agriculture to international market than us. So his question was “Should he choose this field while knowing that he might not be able to compete with others?”

As a counselor, I did my job giving him advice and motivation. I encouraged him to try best in school and gather practical experiences. One thing was it was difficult for me to keep the truth. The truth that our quality of education is lower than the neighboring countries. Even if Cambodia was blessed by good quality of land, good weather, and good climate; but the corruption of this country has made all these blessing qualities; more or less, almost useless because they benefits more to the investors and the rich. So I automatically said worlds like “corrupted system, poor leadership of the government, deforestation” and nearly to the end of my respond to his caller, I talked (on air) to my co-host that I should stop now or I might not be able to do the show the next day.

My dad who was listening from home called my brother who was waiting for me at the radio station immediately that he would pick me up with a car, instead of we coming back home with our usual motorbike because it not gonna be safe tonight. Unfortunately, the car key is locked and our shop so my dad could not pick me up. So by the end of the show last night, I came back home on a motorbike with my brother as usual. This was when I clearly define FREEDOM. My brother drove much faster than the usual and I had to use more than two eyes to watch out to see if anybody was following us. As soon as any motorbike that drove fast across us, we were scared to death. Once we arrived home, my brother in law was waiting at the door. It was a “7 minutes drive of fear”

Was I just being too afraid to express what I think?

Well, while I was speaking, No I wasn’t scare and I didn’t want to lie.

Did anybody threaten me?

No. Not at all. Never.

So why my family and I were so scare?

The facts that I have seen many violent acts on Cambodian citizen on the land dispute issues. The facts that our leaders (both from the governing parties and the opposition parties) attacked even just by words to each other like enemy using gangster words to not just on political element but also on individual. The facts that some people/activities were arrested for what they have said. The facts that polices could be beating us rather than protecting us.

All these facts scared me. This feeling of fear has limited my Freedom. It measured how free I am living now under this standard of “Democracy” What does freedom mean when I was scared to death just because I said something on air?

I wrote this down to express my rate of freedom but also if I have traffic accident or any danger in the following days, you would know why? :-) And now I am thinking, Should this article be posted? Well yes, it worth spreading.

    

Be CLEAN

This morning we violated the traffic law by carrying two people at the back of the motorbike instead of just one. The police stop us and said “You have violated the traffic law so you are supposed to be fined for 6,000 Riel (1.5$) but if you want to be quicker and easier just pay me 5,000 Riel (1.25$).” I myself wasn’t sure of what did the law say about the amount to be paid but we knew we were wrong so we were ok with paying the fine; however, it was clear to us that we rather pay full amount with receipt rather than paying to police’s personal pocket. So we told them back, we are paying full amount and we wish to have the receipt. The police said this and that then make some discount. Ok, just gave me 1$ then, one of the police said. We rejected the offer and stick with paying 6,000 Riel with receipt.  We told the police that we will be catch again and we want to show the other polices that we have paid the fine already. They replied, if you three will be catch again, just tell them that you paid 1$ to me already, they would let you go. We keep not paying 1$. By chance I was carrying my big camera so I took pictures all the way long during the process of negotiation. I guess it scared them a bit so they finally issue us a receipt with say 6,000 Riel – the full amount; even they keep convincing us to pay fewer amounts to their personal pockets.

This is not a strange story. It happen every single day in Phnom Penh and other cities in Cambodia. It is our duty to respect the law, and if not, we should pay the fine; however, we must be clear that we are not part of the corruption. Polices are those who should be implementing the law; yet, so far, they (maybe not all) have initiated corruption. As a responsible citizen, we can always say “NO” to their corrupt offers. Being “CLEAN” take us more time and more money (it was cheaper and quicker to just pay to personal pocket), but what we do today would contribute to how our country will development. We don’t want our children to born in a corrupt country.

Don’t corporate with corrupt traffic police. Don’t accept their corrupt offer. Rather pay fine with pride! So that we can say to our children: “I have contributed to the clean country you are living now”   

Someone we met

Yesterday, my boyfriend and I brought lunch for my sisters at my store. When we arrived, my sister told me ‘I feel so pity for your fan. He came here to buy your books; he bought four copies for him and for his friends. You know, he came with a very old bike and his house is about 6km away from here. Plus, he didn’t know where the store was, so he called many times for direction to get here.” Immediately, our response to my sister was “call him back as he was just leaving.” My sister felt so guilty of taking his money, she should have given the book for free, she said.

So my sister called and asked him to come back. When my sister was calling him, he was sitting under the tree reading my books because he was so tired of riding his old bike for two hours under the hot son just to find my store. We looked from distance as we saw him approaching back to our store. Tears were almost come down. So my sister gave him back the money and let him keep the books for free. He first refused to get it. He said I bought them, so I need to pay. At that moment, my boyfriend has turned out to be a great liar. He said I came from a charity organization, we offer poor people these things as long as they aimed for education. So we were able to offer him some more note books, pens, pencils, T-shirts, and some other stuffs. My boyfriend gave him his number just in case he needs help which regard to education. This young man is in grade 11 in high school. He goes to school during day time and rides his bike to work at night time in Kampong Spue. 

Having met him and able to support him was the greatest thing we have done at our weekend. To see someone so dedicated to education is such an inspiration. Someone like that is what this country is missing. A lot of young kids in Phnom Penh have had more than enough to study, but they have taken their opportunity for grated while someone like him has next to nothing but never given up education.

By the way, I have written two very small books on Tips to Speaking Fluent English and Tips to Public Speaking. These two books aimed to help my fans/listeners/callers in their daily practice as follow up of what they have got from the show. So far I have sole around 200 copies. They cost less than one dollar and Free for poor students.  

Where have the morality of people gone?

I am in a very bad mood and about to exploit now. Here are why:

1-      I had opened a shop along the gate of Sorthormok High School from the last 17 days. Every single day I saw many rich-bad-unfriendly-self-centered-thinking about them only. Every few hours, there would be expensive; but cheap attitude, car driven by either young or old people, park in front of my shop and because their car was big expensive enough, they block my whole shop and the nearby too. I don’t really mind because I do understand that the land of our Kingdom of Wonder is getting smaller. No more places for parking. But what anger me was that those stupid rich people have never bother to come to us (the sellers whose shops are blocked by their cars) for permission or even giving a simple smile towards us. They would just park there and gone for their coffee and breakfast for a long while. Blocking our shops isn’t too big of a deal, what bigger was, they caused huge traffic jam. And this happen every day not once in a while.

2-      Every night I came back from work at around 10:30pm. First sentence when we arrived home from my brother who usually drove me from work has been “Pu, have you got enough water?” this question is asked to the security guard who guards the neighboring house. This rich house never even asked the guard if he has water to drink. So we filled his empty drinking bottle of water every night. This rich house had minimum of three expensive-but cheap attitudes, cars. Both the day and night time guards had to clean those cars twice a day or else, they are fired.

3-      Today we install new internet connection in our office but wasn’t successful because this  same neighboring house said that I need to wait for their big boss (the father) for permission or else they will cut the wired which would pass along their roof together with other electricity line. I don’t understand what is a big deal of adding a small line to all the existing electricity line? This is a STATE line...My God !

Where have the morality of people gone? Can money, cars, nice houses, determine that those idiots have more rights than us?

                                                                                                       

My Shop - My Favorite

I don’t really like sitting in class a lot. Spending 6 years in my university degree have been a real challenge especially when it comes to subject like math, computer application, and statistics. Nevertheless, education is too valuable to gave up, so I keep going. To help me to like writing down notes on my books, I use beautiful note books and pen as attraction – like I am 7 years old girl while I am actually 25. My boyfriend know it best how much I enjoy walking in the book store even if I don’t need to buy anything. I enjoy so much looking at new design note books, folders, stickers,..That it has become my habit. Whenever I have time, feel stress, or have nothing to do; I would go to book store – just to check things out. This is the first reason I have opened my own stationary shop which was opened yesterday.

My second reason was to create job for my second sister. I got a job when I was 14, my first sister god her job when she reached 19, while my second sister is already 21 and still don’t have job. I guest she doesn’t belong to office kind of work. I hope this shop can be the start of her business.

A little bit of advertisement here. This little shop is located at the gate of Sonthor Mok high school, in front of CD selling place, near Psar Kilo Number 4. Contact 017 668 127. One thing about this shop is that you cannot buy anything that I don’t like because those items were carefully handpicked by me in Thailand. It took not less 20mn decision making which I spent on each every item. :-)   

Only when you experience it

My room usually filled with noise and energy by my 20 years old sister and my 16 years old brother who play a lot. They created a lot of fun at home. I have been enjoying them. Tonight, I am sitting alone in my room filled with soft music, light off, computer on, while the air from the fan cooling down the room. My two noisy children are on their holiday in Sihanouk Ville with their friends. This is the first time that they are away over a night without me. They have asked for this kind of holiday since a few years ago but I never dare to let them go on their own till today.

My two energetic children who are on holiday far away without me for the first time

11 years ago which I was 14 years old; I started complaining about my parents not letting me out with friends. Not to mention far trip, I was never allowed to join class party, friend’s family wedding, ect. At the age of 17 after my high school, I so looked forward to living on my own which I did. I looked forward to having my freedom from their control which I did success. I never really understand why my parents were so strict.

5 years ago, I brought my two sisters and my brother to live with me in Phnom Penh. They have been studying in private school. These 5 years have explained me very well how and why my parents were so strict to me when I was younger. I now understand the feeling of being a mother, a parent. I cannot explain this feeling, but you will understand it very well when you become a parent yourself.

Is prostitution a job to look down for?

Linda is a fake name I refer to a 32 years old woman who has been a prostitute for 10 years. Through one of my work, I got the chance to interview her story shortly.

At the age of 22, she has decided by herself to become a prostitute instead of looking for other job because she didn’t have any education and she needed easy money which pay quickly, so that she could effort daily expense in her family of four siblings and a sick mother. Later, her siblings got married and they had moved on with their lives without taking any responsibility on the sick mother.

Linda has been a self-employed prostitute. She has been on her own looking for her customer which each time would pay her 5$ after having sex. Each day she could get 3 customers at most. She married once to a man whom she expected to be a helper, but turned out to be a drug addicted who would beat her when she couldn’t give him money. They broke up and leave her a son who is 10 years old now. When Linda left home for work, her son sometime asked her “Mum, what is your work?” she said “I work at Karaok” Linda never tells her son about her real work, and she has no idea when and how she would tell him.

When asked what the most difficult time she has been through as a prostitute was, she answered with tears. Sometime ago she was arrested together with other prostitutes into a police car. The car brought her and other girls to a re-education center but she wasn’t allowed to take off. Those four polices dropped other girls at the center and brought her with them. They all raped her. There was also times when customer forced her to eat a condom after sex.

I ran out of words to ask her after hearing these. What polices are for? Aren’t they supposed to protect their citizen? How would you tell your son if you were her? Is prostitution a job to look down for?